Four Letters You Need to Understand

You’re smart as hell and have every angle figured out, but too many people say you aren’t worth it.

You connect incredibly well with everyone and people always want to be your friend, but you can’t keep money in the bank.

These simple examples might appear similar, but in reality, they are worlds apart.

Does one of these sound more like you than the other?

I was first exposed to the idea of EQ (emotional quotient) in relation to IQ (intelligence quotient) during an episode of the Tim Ferriss Show (surprise surprise). The topic came up during an interview Tim was conducting with Walter O’Brien (a.k.a. Scorpion). Walter is considered a bit of a genius, because when he was just 12 years old, he is reported to have scored 197 on an IQ test.

Walter is a bit of a controversial character, as you’ll see if you click on the link to Tim Ferriss’ website, but what I learned from him on the matter of EQ and IQ has opened my mind in many ways. I am beginning to understand the reason for part of the gap that frequently exists between members of our industry.

According to Wikipedia, EQ and IQ are defined as follows:

Emotional intelligence (EI), also known as Emotional quotient (EQ), is the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).

An intelligence quotient (IQ) is a total score derived from several standardized tests designed to assess human intelligence.

Neither of these ideas are “better” than the other, but rarely do people excel at both equally. Most of us tend to lean one way or the other.

Since learning about this idea nearly two years ago, I have been watching members of the mobile DJ industry with fascination, wondering if this is the missing link…maybe this is the frustrating gap that stalls the growth of some, and at the same time, is what hinders others to adequately communicate how they have achieved success?

What if, outside of the personality training that people like Vickie Musni so beautifully instruct, we are all speaking one of these two simple languages — that of EQ or IQ — and yet, none of us realizes it?

One example of this that I find extremely fascinating, is in regard to individuals that have gone through MarBecca training and been incredibly moved by the experience. The overwhelming majority of these students have become remarkable advocates for the ideas and principles that Mark and Rebecca Ferrell teach and yet, they seem unable to communicate the value of these workshops to a large segment of the DJ population. Why is this?

With the word of mouth army (over 1200 workshop delegates) that Mark and Rebecca have, it doesn’t stand to reason that a single workshops of theirs should not sell out. And yet, from time to time, a workshop seat goes unfilled.

I believe this is where the matter of well-developed EQ in relation to those with higher IQ comes into play.

The greatest advocates of MarBecca workshops and the “Getting What You’re Worth” message appear to be high in EQ. These are people who, for the most part, emotional connectivity comes easily and who connect remarkably well with almost anyone. These individuals have wells of empathy and understanding that appear endless. They are people with higher than average levels of EQ.

When I think of some of the price leaders in our industry, the majority of those people also tend to fall into the high EQ category. Weddings, after all, are anything but a logical decision as they are overwhelmingly emotional purchases. So, doesn’t it stand to reason, that those with highly developed EQ would be selling at the highest rates?

The problem comes about when those with tendencies toward one or the other meet up in the same room and attempt to explain things to one another. This is where those with high EQ seem to loose it all, in just a matter of seconds. When speaking to someone whose brain is wired in favour of logic and common sense (IQ), the skills of one with high EQ often fall flat.

While I have developed many skills that might fall into a stronger IQ category, my greatest strength is the EQ side of my personality. My wife, on the other hand, falls into the IQ side of things. She often quips, that there is no way we would have hired someone like me at the rates I charge for our wedding. Generally speaking, the logical side of my wife cannot reason with the emotional factors that frequently lead people to hiring my services.

Through her books and workshops, Vickie Musni encourages us to understand people for who they are and then adjust our language to fit the communication style that best fits that person. If we fail to do that, a sense of disconnection and one party not “getting it” will invariably take place.

On many occasions, I have witnessed a variety of interactions on Facebook with this entire disconnect on full display. On one side, are individuals of probable high IQ asking questions and providing answers of logic and reason. On the other side, are people who ask questions and provide answers from an emotional standpoint that, often times, appear vague and without any reason. The chasm that stands between these two “sides” in understanding and comprehending the messages of the other is magnificent.

(Typing from behind a keyboard often magnifies the disconnect because so much is lost when the tone of the human voice and subtle but important facial movements are removed from communication.)

Another example of this disconnect might be a recent conversation I had with a teacher who is also a DJ. As our conversation flowed from one topic to another, this person came to the realization that it was likely the EQ side of their personality that was hindering their work as a mobile DJ. This was a remarkably brilliant person that was used to always having the answers, but this was a part of themselves that they had never taken the time to explore.

In speaking recently with another friend, she self identified with the “socially awkward geek” stereotype in saying that was exactly who she was back in high school. Only now, mostly over the last year, has she begun the uncomfortable journey of working on her EQ. For one with her high IQ tendencies, this is not easy to accomplish. It requires pushing herself far beyond her comfort zone and embracing vulnerability, often for the very first time.

One is not better than the other. The world needs people of both high IQ and high EQ.

Without high IQ people, we don’t find cures for terrible diseases and our finances would generally fall to pieces.

Without high EQ people, we don’t find great leaders and the social connectivity that many of us take for granted.

There is plenty of room in our industry for both. In fact, we NEED both.

Higher IQ people often have skills best suited for roles in production and positions where logic and information management is highly valued. People with higher EQ leanings will probably thrive in positions of sales and performance and where they can interact with people as frequently as possible.

So, I’ll ask once again, are you the person with every angle figured out? Or don’t you care what “year-over-year” means because you are simply having too much fun becoming friends with people?

Who are you and how are you going to spend time exploring this idea?

I can’t wait to learn what you discover.

Just a thought…

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4 thoughts on “Four Letters You Need to Understand”

    1. Hey Staci! I know, right?! LOL! Thanks for the comment! (sorry for the delayed reply, I missed a few blog notifications)

  1. Hey Dave! Nice job on this post. Just putting it out there, the term EQ was popularized by psychology writer Daniel Goleman in the 90’s (it won’t surprise you to know that I have read this!). What you might not know is that he wrote another book a few years back about Social Intelligence and its’ importance in our increasingly connected world. It speaks nicely to what you are saying here – go check it out!

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